If You're Gone
by Darkened-Storm
Summary: ONESHOT He's leaving because he thinks it's the right thing to do. She hates him for being weak. Can she pull herself together in time to stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life. MattxOC


**If You're Gone**

_A Steph Summers/Matt Ishida One Shot_

A Companion Piece to the Dawn Chronicles

Written by Darkened-Storm

* * *

Silence surrounded them as they looked at one another. For a moment, he was caught in her gaze, mesmerised by the knowing sparkle in her eye. She said nothing as she looked from him, to the suitcase beside him and then met his eyes once again.

No words were needed to convey meaning, the suitcase and the rigid expression on his face told her everything.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" she asked him.

He merely nodded, reluctant to speak. But when she gazed at him with those wide eyes, he couldn't ignore her any longer. "I got accepted to a university," he told her simply. "In Queensland."

He saw her lip twitch, her hand giving an involuntary tremor. Was she shocked? He wondered. Or had she already guessed. Had all they'd been through been a mere illusion, a simple fling. She'd known he would be leaving eventually, but no one had expected it to be so soon. Did she think he was running away?

_I think I've already lost you.  
I think you're already gone.  
I think I'm finally scared now.  
You think I'm weak – I think you're wrong._

He hadn't expected it to be easy to tell her goodbye. He hadn't dared to be so bold. But he hadn't expected it to be this hard either.

He hadn't expected her to cry. She was never one to express her emotions, let alone cry. She wasn't comfortable with such emotion. No, he'd expected her to be angry, to hate him. To yell at him for being weak.

He wanted her to yell at him, he wanted her to be mad. But her expression, or lack thereof terrified him. He hadn't expected her not to care.

He wasn't being weak, he told himself. No, he was strong – he had the strength to walk away before they crossed too many lines.

With a hesitant smile, he turned and reached for the door, his fingers brushing the cold brass, and as he did, he heard the sharp intake of breath from behind him.

_I think you're already leaving.  
Feels like your hand is on the door.  
I thought this place was an empire – now I'm relaxed,  
I can't be sure._

So that was it then. He was leaving without so much as a backward glance. He was going to walk away, not caring about the mess he left behind, not caring that he shattered her heart with every step he took in the other direction.

Her heart thudded in her chest as the doorknob turned. She felt as though her world was being turned upside down.

She'd known all along that one day, he'd have to go. He had a life to life, a live outside of this small town. He'd done his time, and now he was moving on, it was that simple. Why should here presence here make it any different. He had always hated small towns.

But instead of the sadness she'd been preparing to feel for so long, she felt a burning pain in her chest, her blood boiling. Anger.

She wasn't sad that he was leaving, she'd expected him to. She was angry that he did what she expected. When she'd finally allowed herself to hope that maybe one day he'd change his mind for her, he went ahead with it anyway.

All because of one small incident...

She hated that he was being weak, running away from his problems – their problems. They'd both made mistakes. They'd both crossed lines. She was prepared to face the consequences, to fight on. Why wasn't he?

_I think you're so mean, I think we should try.  
I think I could need, this in my life._

It seemed surreal, unimaginable. Since the very day she'd arrived only months ago, he'd been by her side. Through thick and thin, good times and in bad, he'd been her safety net. He'd been her shoulder to cry on when she'd lost all else.

She wanted him to stay, she wanted him in her life, but she couldn't tell him that, though she couldn't exactly let him go either. She couldn't tell him that he'd hurt her, because she would not be the damsel in distress.

So instead, she says, "Why do you always run away from your problems?"

_I think I'm just scared, I think too much.  
I know this is wrong, it's a problem, I'm dealing._

Why was he running? Was it true that he was too scared to face up to his problems. Was he too scared to admit to his mistake, too scared to take another chance?

He had every reason not to bother. The two of them, it was wrong, so very wrong. It was complicated and went against everything they'd ever known before. He'd gone over it a thousand times in his own head.

The pros and the cons, what was right and what was wrong. The complications, the disadvantages. What he'd be leaving behind – what he could have if he stayed. What she could have if he didn't stay.

There was so much he could never offer her. He could never guarantee her safety. He could never give her a family, a settled life. Everything he deemed necessary for a happy life, he could not give to her. Maybe he did think too much.

He hesitated, his hand wavering on the door. "I'm not running," he told her. "I'm simply doing the right thing."

The right thing by who? her expression seemed to ask him. Didn't she know that this wasn't any easier on him than her?

_If you're gone, maybe it's time to go home  
There's an awful lot of breathing room, but I can hardly move._

The door knob turned in his hand of its own accord and he didn't let himself look back as he called out to her awkwardly,

"So, see you."

Three words, but not the three he wanted to say, not the three she needed to hear from him. Because at the thought of those three words, his chest would tighten uncontrollably and he'd choke up – inadvertently making such a fool of himself that she would never believe him anyway.

_If you're gone, baby you need to come home  
Cuz there's a little bit of something in me  
In everything in you._

Not a single tear was shed as she watched him leave. She couldn't cry, because it would break her, and apart of her was already breaking, because there would always be something of him in her, reminding her of what she lost. She could never escape that.

And as the door shut behind him, her heart was torn into pieces.

The broken pieces of her heart littered the floor as she sank to her knees, void of all emotions, feeling only the pain of losing the one she loved.

And finally, she gave in, and began to drown in her own tears.

_I bet you're hard to get over  
I bet the room just won't shine_

His best mate dropped him off at the train station without speaking a word. He didn't need to, the look he gave was enough.

Don't do this, man, it told him, but he put it out of his mind as he took his bags and bid his mate goodbye with a wave, as though he was merely going on a trip, and would be coming back.

He couldn't feel his feet as he pushed through the crowd. He had his ticket in his hand, and as he walked, he was desperately searching for a reason to stay.

His heart was heavy in his chest, his breathing laboured as every face in the crowd, every mop of dark red hair looks like hers.

His heart was an empty pit of darkness, of which the sun could not penetrate. She's been the light of his life, shining ever so brightly. How foolish of him to leave her and not think to bring a flash light. He was stranded in the darkness.

_I bet my hands I could stay here  
I bet you need more than you mind_

"Why don't you tell him?" her best friend asked her. "Why didn't you ask him to stay?

Because asking him to stay would mean that he was more than just a friend, and she wasn't sure she could handle the commitment, the responsibility.

She could live without him, no harm done. She could let them end as friends, never to have a chance at something more, because that would be better than loving and losing. Wouldn't it?

She could do that because that was the easy way out – and she already had enough complications in her life.

Because asking him to stay would mean admitting that she loved him, and that was something she hadn't yet come to terms with.

_I think you're so mean – I think we should try  
I think I could need, this in my life_

It doesn't have to be this way, a voice in the back of his mind told him, but he pushed it from his thoughts as he handed his ticket to the inspector.

It does, he thought as the inspector took the ticket. This is the only way.

Did he really think he could go on without her? Would it really be that simple?

"Taking a trip?" the inspector asked him in a vain attempt at being cheerful.

He shook his head. "I'm moving – for university."

The inspector chuckled. "Smart kid, huh. I think every kid your age is looking to get out of town. Us old folks don't have much to offer a younger generation."

"Yeah," he muttered absentmindedly. "I noticed." He took his ticket. Who was he kidding? He didn't want to go to university. He didn't want to leave his friends, family – his home.

He had wanted that once, a long time ago, before she'd come into his life and brought it down around him. He'd wanted to go to university, travel the world. He had once wanted to get as far from this small town as physically possible.

But things were different now. He'd grown up – fallen in love. He wanted different things now, for himself, and for someone else.

That fact of the matter was, she'd changed his life. He'd never felt so alive, so meaningful, before she'd come crashing into his life, quite literally on her very first day of school, only months ago.

He was utterly taken with her from that very moment he'd helped her to her feet in the middle of the school corridor after she'd unceremoniously walked right into him and brought his whole world down around him.

He needed her – he couldn't live without her from the very first day. So why was he leaving her?

_I think I'm just scared – that I know too much  
I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling_

The beach had never looked so – depressing, as empty as it did right now. Her heart was heavy as she walked along the water, the waves lapping at her feet.

Twenty minutes, that was all she had to stop him, to ask him not to go. So why was she still standing her on a beach when she should be going after him.

She didn't have any right to stop him.

He'd grown up, he wasn't the high school senior she'd fallen in love with. He was a grown man now, leaving to expand his horizons. What right did she have to stop him?

Why should he put his entire life on hold, just for her?

Who was she kidding? She wasn't noble. She didn't care that staying behind would mean putting his life on hold. She wanted him to stay with her. She wanted him by her side, always.

So why wasn't she going after him?

Because she was scared.

She was too scared to go after him. She was scared that he would turn her away, say that he'd made up his mind. She was scared that he'd leave anyway.

She was scared to fight for him. She was scared to be hurt more than she already was. What if she fought for him, with all she had, and he left her anyway.

"It won't make a difference," she muttered, trying to convince herself.

_If you're gone – maybe it's time to come home  
There's an awful lot of breathing room  
But I can hardly move_

His bags were packed. Everything that had ever mattered to him in his eighteen year life was now contained in one suitcase and he was ready to leave. So why hadn't he gotten onto the train yet?

Because the most important part of his life couldn't fit into a suitcase. Actually, given her small stature, she probably could – but that was beside the point. All the material things in the world couldn't make up for the love he was leaving behind.

He couldn't get onto that train just yet.

Because he was still waiting.

He was waiting, holding onto that tiny shred of human emotion that allowed him to hope – hope that she would come after him and beg him to stay.

_If you're gone, baby you need to come home  
Cuz there's a little bit of something in me  
In everything in you_

He couldn't go, she decided. She wouldn't let him. Because she loved him. She loved him and that made her selfish. She was too selfish to let him go. Because she'd gone through so much to be with him. She wasn't going to let him slip through her fingers.

She got to her feet, her cell phone in her hand, her fingers automatically dialling the number she knew so well.

"Hello?" the groggy voice on the other end of the line greeted her.

"Matt's leaving," she managed to choke out. "His train leaves in twenty minutes."

She thought that her best mate would protest, that he would tell her that it was all for the best. But he didn't. For once, he'd swallowed his pride.

"I'll be there in a minute," he told her.

_I think you're so mean, I think we should try  
I think I could need this in my life_

"Last call for passengers on the five thirty train to Brisbane. Last call for the five thirty train to Brisbane."

Last call, huh? He thought to himself. It was time to go, he couldn't wait for her any longer.

He tried to ignore the pounding in his chest as he reached for his suitcase. Had he really expected her to show up? Did he really think that after all he'd done – said to her, that she would come after him?

He'd broken her heart by leaving. Why should she even give him the time of day?

He didn't deserve her, he knew that. No matter how much he loved her, he'd never deserve her. But did that really matter? Was that any excuse to leave?

She shouldn't have to come after me, he thought to himself. I shouldn't be the one to leave. She should have left long ago, but she hadn't. What did that mean?

He heard the train engine roar to life, and as it did, he realised what he had to do. He had to do the right thing, not by everyone else, but by himself, by her. So he picked up his suitcase and took his first step towards the right decision.

_I think I'm just scared – do I talk too much?  
I know this is wrong, it's a problem, I'm dealing._

Her hair blew into her face, propelled by the speed of the train as it took off.

There was no possible way to describe the sinking feeling in her chest as she felt her heart descend into her stomach as she stumbled onto the platform, just as the train pulled out of the station.

She'd missed her chance.

She'd procrastinated – she'd given into her fears. She'd babbled incoherent excuses as to why she wasn't going after him. And when she'd finally come to her senses and realised her mistake – she'd been too late.

He was gone.

She had no idea when she'd see him next – or if ever for that matter. All because she'd been scared. She'd been too scared to admit that she'd loved him – she'd been too scared of getting hurt, that she'd let her first love slip right through her fingers.

How stupid could she have been?

She fought back the tears as she turned her back on the platform, that would forever remind her of her failure.

_If you're gone – maybe it's time to go home  
There's an awful lot of breathing room_

"Steph?"

_But I can hardly move_

Her breath caught in her throat as she spun around, her head spinning as she struggled to come to terms with the blonde boy standing a mere ten meters from her on the platform.

Without so much as a second thought, she ran to him, throwing her arms around her, caught up in the sheer relief that he hadn't left her.

He caught her and heaved her up, into the air, spinning her around, unable to get a hold on his emotions. Then he lowered her to the ground and held her to him, fearfully, as though at any moment, she'd run away again.

How silly. He had been the one running.

_If you're gone, baby you need to come home_

He breathed in her warm, ocean scent as he ran his hands through her hair, just to assure himself that she was really here – that he wasn't imagining it.

"I thought that ..." she struggled to speak, her heart pounding in her chest. "The train – to Brisbane... you were supposed to - "

He cupped her cheek in his hand and lifted her chin so that she was looking at him. "I couldn't go," he told her simply.

"Why?"

_Cuz there's a little bit of something in me_

"Because I left my heart with you," he admitted earnestly. "Because it's been yours from the moment you crashed into my life. And there's absolutely nothing I can do about it – so I figured, why fight it?"

"Because it would have been the right thing to do," she reminded him. Then she paused for a moment, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Is it just me, or did I sound terribly like you just then."

He rolled his eyes and bent down to brush his lips against hers. "Not anymore," he murmured. "From now on – screw the rules."

Then he kissed her. His kiss was warm and made her heart flutter. The kiss confirmed everything that neither had the courage to speak in words. That they loved each other. That they would fight for each other – against all odds, for their love to survive. Because there simply was no other way.

_In everything in you_

* * *

Disclaimer: Darkened-Storm does not own If You're Gone, by matchbox 20, nor does she own Digimon. She only owns her O.C, Steph Summers and her ideas


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